Jul 23, 2023, 1:00 PM ETInterview, Fireside Chat

CEO's Guide to Marriage & Parenting 👰🤵‍♂️👨‍👩‍👦‍👦

Dave acknowledges that maintaining balance between his role as CEO of a multi-thousand-person company and being a supportive partner is not consistently achieved; there have been periods of significant imbalance.
He attributes successful navigation of these moments to being on the "same journey" with his wife, Leanne, where their base desires for life and their children are fundamentally aligned rather than divergent.
To manage time scarcity, he has become more protective of his time, structurally reserving calendar blocks with his assistant to ensure he engages in activities with the highest impact on work, his wife, and his children.
Dave admits he is limited to being good at only two things (work and family), acknowledging that prioritizing one often necessitates neglecting the other temporarily.

The most significant deviation from work-life balance occurred during 2020 and 2021, when Amazon doubled its operating footprint in 18 months while managing employee safety during the pandemic.
Dave describes this two-year period as a "sadistic blur" lasting "a decade" in intensity, where he had to explicitly communicate to his family that his absence would be temporary.
He notes that during high-stress periods, leaders often fail to recognize their own disengagement until they are out of the situation, relying on future reflection rather than real-time correction.

Dave posits that leadership effectiveness requires a balanced home life, arguing that a leader cannot sustain high performance or clarity of thought without personal well-being.
He frames his work-life arrangement as a choice: the company can have a "healthy, happy" version of him that includes family time, or they can have none of him.
He asserts that the "sum of a well-rounded you" is superior to a maniacally focused version, suggesting that companies benefit more from a balanced leader than an unbalanced one.
Dave considers the possibility of retirement if his skills were easily replaceable, but he currently believes his presence is vital and that he is not easily replaced by others at the same capacity.

The birth of his children has made Dave more patient, as he observes his own negative behaviors reflected in his sons and learns to respond with patience rather than frustration.
Parenting serves as a humbling experience for Dave, citing the mundane reality of caring for children (e.g., cleaning up after them) as a constant check against ego.
He identifies the protective instinct toward his children as the hardest aspect of parenting, noting that the threat of harm to a child triggers a unique, intense level of anxiety and defensiveness.
Dave adopts the philosophy that "you're only as happy as your happiest child," which has shifted his worldview to prioritize family well-being alongside professional success.

Dave wishes he had been more "present" earlier in his parenting journey, acknowledging the ease of self-deception regarding time spent with family.
Children act as "truth tellers" who immediately identify when a parent is distracted, forcing a confrontation with reality regarding phone usage.
To combat digital distraction, Dave actively puts his phone away and has discarded his Apple Watch because it served as a constant, intrusive distraction that prevented full engagement with others.
He emphasizes that being present in the moment is equally critical in professional settings and personal relationships to maintain genuine connection.

Dave and his wife established two core rules for their children: "do the best you can" and "don't be an asshole."
Their primary objective is to raise "happy, polite, good, caring, empathetic, well-rounded humans" rather than focusing on specific academic achievements or attending elite institutions like Harvard.
Dave rejects the necessity of a prestigious degree for success, citing his own poor school performance prior to graduate school and emphasizing curiosity and continuous learning.
To instill a sense of responsibility and work ethic, Dave flies his family in coach and expects them to understand that their future lifestyle is contingent on their own work, not parental wealth.
He references the Arnault family as an example of wealthy individuals who worked exceptionally hard, reinforcing the message that wealth does not exempt one from the requirement to work.
Dave teaches his children to treat every individual with dignity and respect regardless of their profession, from bank tellers to CEOs, and to understand their societal responsibilities.