Oct 14, 2021, 7:46 PM ETInterview

Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love | Lex Fridman Podcast #230

Kelsey Sharon served as a Canadian Forces artillery gunner in Afghanistan at age 18.
She sustained severe PTSD, resulting in a 2011 medical honorable discharge.
She founded "Brass in Unity," a jewelry and sunglasses company where proceeds fund rehabilitation for veterans and first responders.
Her family history includes a grandfather who served in WWII and relatives who escaped the Soviet invasion of Hungary, influencing her obsession with history and human resilience.
She moved to Canada from Russia at age 13, where she faced bullying and cultural isolation, which she credits with hardening her resilience.

Sharon was initially unable to join infantry due to being under 100 lbs but was accepted into the Royal Canadian Horse Artillery.
Training involved a 10-hour live-fire workup in Texas (Fort Worth) simulating Afghan terrain, including exposure to high-risk wildlife.
She deployed to Kandahar in 2009 as part of a "Canadian Forces Base" (CFB) rotation, operating from Forward Observation Bases (FOBs).
Artillery operations utilized 155mm M777 howitzers, capable of firing 100lb rounds up to 40km, often guided by GPS and coordinated via Forward Observation Officers embedded with infantry.
She describes the firing sequence as a "symphony" requiring precise, synchronized movement of 5-7 personnel per gun to manage the breech, loading, and lanyard firing.
The psychological trigger of hearing a "crackle" and "whiz" during live fire caused her to experience a specific mix of anxiety, excitement, and a sense of victory over the target.

A pivotal trauma event occurred during a joint operation with British forces in a "grape hut" compound.
An IED hidden beneath a pile of sticks detonated, killing a soldier named "Akbar" instantly.
Sharon witnessed the soldier's body being disintegrated; she recalled holding a perfectly laced boot while the leg and torso were gone.
The aftermath involved a chaotic extraction under mortar fire, where she collected body parts and weapons to prevent them from being used as Taliban propaganda.
The incident triggered a "light switch" in her brain, severing her emotional connection to humanity and replacing it with intense, blind hatred toward the Taliban and civilians involved in combat zones.
She developed severe avoidance triggers, specifically an inability to touch or eat food with skin, due to the tactile memory of human flesh.

Upon return, Sharon was heavily medicated with up to 10 different pharmaceutical drugs, leading to periods of near-total unresponsiveness and "numbness."
She experienced survivor's guilt and suicidal ideation every minute of every day for six years after leaving the military.
She describes the military's mental health response as inadequate, noting that admitting to struggle resulted in being "red-tagged" (grounded) and removed from active duty.
Her recovery was facilitated by medical marijuana, which she used to taper off pharmaceuticals, and a supportive relationship with her husband, a former professional motocross racer.
She was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and CTE (Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy) resulting from repeated concussive blasts.

In January 2021, Sharon participated in three nights of ayahuasca ceremonies with "Heroic Hearts," a peer-supported mental health network for veterans.
The ceremonies took place in a setting with integration coaches and medical oversight, utilizing psilocybin, ketamine, and ibogaine in some contexts.
During the first night, she experienced visions of her deceased daughter, which helped shift her perspective from viewing the war as the end of the world to a "blip" in a larger existence.
On the second night, she visualized herself as a wolf; the shaman instructed her that she no longer needed to "bite" to lead, but could be a leader from the back of the pack, focusing on mindfulness rather than aggression.
She describes the ayahuasca experience as a non-discriminatory confrontation with her pain that forced her to stop "not breathing" and live in the present moment.

"Brass in Unity" operates as a for-profit vehicle to fund non-profits rather than a traditional charity, utilizing conversation-starting jewelry (e.g., bullet casings).
The company donates proceeds to specific organizations, including Heroic Hearts (psychedelic-assisted therapy), Honor House (treatment housing), and the All Secure Foundation (support for special ops families).
Sharon critiques the current Canadian and US government responses to the Afghanistan withdrawal, citing a lack of accountability and failure to exfiltrate high-value Afghan allies.
She highlights the systemic failure of veteran care, noting that disabled veterans are often denied prosthetics or benefits despite being labeled as "disposable numbers" by civilian leadership.

Sharon argues that the 20-year conflict in Afghanistan was ultimately unsustainable due to the inability to "educate" a population where the culture rejects such values.
She asserts that love is the only force preventing self-destruction, contrasting it with the "cycle of hate" generated by military retaliation.
She advocates for the normalization of mental health practices like meditation, yoga, and peer support as core military training, rather than viewing them as signs of weakness.
Her advice to youth includes moving the body, avoiding monotony, and prioritizing meaningful relationships over material success.
She acknowledges that while suicide rates among successful figures (e.g., Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain) are tragic, they often stem from biological factors invisible to the outside world.